choices, choices

Got up early today (well, 10am to me is early) and met up with Bao and See to look into grad schools. We are all looking into Christian colleges that would be affordable and well suited toward our goals. Bao wants to do youth counseling, See wants to do theology and apologetics, and I want to do film/cinema, and all of us are considering a Master's degree while keeping in mind the cost and sacrifices we'd have to make. We are just narrowing the college choices for now, and will meet again Sunday evening to distribute the calling and research tasks. If things work out, I may be going to college (again) next Fall.

Finding a job has been unproductive during these hard times (though I haven't given up), but See suggested going to school and working at the same time (to earn my way through grad school) in whichever city we end up going to (and she just really wants to get out of Fresno to start living her life independently). Bao just graduated earlier this year, and See has graduated, but is finishing up one more semester. I've been done with school for a little over a year now, but lately, it's become depressing and burdensome to look for a job (in and out of Fresno), though I will admit I'm not as determined as I ought to be.

Nevertheless, I've concluded that more education is never a bad thing, and why not pursue further schooling while I'm still young? Yes, I'll rack up so much student loans and may not even get that great of a job afterwards, but I don't think I'll regret it either. If I stay and find a job and get on with my life like most people, I'm afraid I'll just be tied to a routine and eventually fall into the stereotypical role of being a housewife/mother with a lot of responsibilities - not that that's a bad thing, but I know I can do so much more. 

At the moment, it's still all fuzzy and jumbled in my head, and I haven't the slightest clue where to begin. I guess I'll take up the whole school thing and get on it with the job hunt (with drive and determination, as if I were on some kind of job-hunting drug) and see which one takes my hand first. I'm still in this transitional phase, so while my feet aren't completely planted in the ground, I'll leave room for options and take my chances. 

It's nearly 6pm now. Bao's gone home, See's waiting for her next class, and I'm here in the library waiting for Calida to get out of her 5pm class. We didn't do much, but it was nice to spend time with the girls and catch up, as well as work together towards a common goal. The best part of today, besides being with good friends while poring over college brochures, was having a late lunch with really delicious sushi together. 

Great friends and fresh sushi make the best combo, don't they? 

(California Roll, Crazy Rainbow Roll, Black Jack Roll, and Tempura Roll)

slow motion

I got a call from my cousin today. She's 25, divorced, and has two adorable daughters. I was at the mall returning an item I'd bought without thinking, and while browsing around in men's Macys because that was the only place that didn't have loud music blaring over my head, she had asked me what I was up to nowadays, and if I was taking my two little sisters out trick-o-treating. I told her I would, and asked her to come along with us with her two kids. We agreed on that since we did that last year and it was fun, but then she had asked me what I was returning. I told her I had bought an eye primer. She commented then that I shouldn't wear so much make-up, as it would ruin my skin in the long run. (I wasn't really returning any eye-primer, but said so anyway since the item I was really returning was too complicated to explain).

I shrugged it off as "Ah, I usually just wear eye make-up anyways. I'm not big on make-up." So she goes, "You don't need to wear eye make-up. I mean, I don't even wear anything!" I tell her, "But that's because you're very pretty" and I was trying to be sweet with that compliment, and so she goes, "You know there's this 19 year old guy who's crazy about me! He claims that I look seventeen!" and I go, "Yeah, unlike you, I look like I have three kids without make-up."

Then she laughs and says, "Remember that one time you dropped off my pictures at my place and my ex-boyfriend was there with me? After you left, he commented that you must have a few kids of your own. I told him that you're still single and much younger than I was, and he was baffled because he thought you were way older!" 

Isn't that just something every woman wants to hear? 

Not to mention, last week when I rummaged through my closet for nearly half an hour and ended up dressing in my business casual attire, my younger sister exclaimed, "Mai, you look like a grandma!" 

And this past Sunday when I dressed up for church, my third sister asked, a bit rudely, "Why do you look like an old lady?!" When I suggested that I should dress like a slut, she dismissed the thought right away because she's not the kind to pick arguments. 

I'm only 23, turning 24 next May (is that considered "old"?), and I'm a bit on the big side, so I dress conservatively - you know, the kind of conservative that doesn't allow my belly to be sticking out and my bust to be more noticeable than my face.

In this kind of weather though, I can't be completely black or white (when it comes to fashion). If I wear layers and add boots with a coat, I'm setting myself up for a heatwave attack by 11am. If I wear just a regular t-shirt with shorts and sandals, I'll be uncomfortable and freezing by 7pm. I can mix and match (such as UGG boots with shorts, a thin sweater and scarf, a simple shirt, but then I can't dress like that everyday.)

We're a far way from dressing up for 50 degree weather, and we're past the shorts with tank-tops stage since summer is now long gone. Also, where I live, there aren't a lot of events, occasions, or places to go where you can dress to kill in your heels and fancier dresses, or skinny black pants and red trench coat; you'd be totally overdressed (fancy items live in my closet for centuries). Fresno isn't a very fashionable place to be (people here are comfortable in ugly clothes that are too baggy or too tight), and I'm not the kind to go out hunting for a night scene either, so you will not find party clothes in my closet. 

Well, as long as I don't have a job or bigger responsibility at the moment, it's my privilege to dress up (or down) like a bum. Until I get a job that requires me to actually look decent, it's nobody's business how I look, right?